Our reluctance to abandon such relationships has much to do with the history behind it. “But we have been best friends since the 70s.” However, the past should not dictate our current choices. If you find yourself having invested a lot more into your relationship than your friend, you must question the reasons behind it.
Healthy friendships don’t need to be perfectly balanced every day, but eventually there must be a give-and-take aspect to it.
The Family Trap
Family is by far the most difficult element of this entire puzzle. There are so many “shoulds” around family: I should call. I should visit. I should suffer through poor treatment because, after all, they’re “family.”
Here’s some tough love, however: Respect doesn’t offer any family discounts. If your sister or cousin disrespects your thoughts, belittles you, or disregards your boundaries, it’s even more painful than if she were a stranger. It doesn’t matter how similar you may look or sound; if your family is making you miserable, it doesn’t matter if you have the same surname.
You aren’t obligated to excommunicate family members, but there’s nothing wrong with redefining your terms of service. You can decide not to discuss politics, religion, or other subjects; you can set boundaries that limit the amount of time you spend with family. Taking care of yourself around your relatives is not “betraying” your family—it’s growing up.
The Ghost of the Person You Once Were
There are certain people who have a fascination with the “old” you. They are interested in discussing the failures that occurred in your thirties or what you used to be like before you got wiser. This keeps you firmly rooted in something that you left behind long ago.
