It is nice to look back sometimes but it is also draining being around a person who cannot see beyond what you used to be like. You have grown. You are different in many ways, having become softer in some respects and harder in others. How can you enjoy today when the people around you keep reminding you of your past?
The people who are worth having around are those who are interested in the person you currently are and not who you once were decades ago.
The “Crowded Loneliness”
Then, we have the lonely relationship – the one you have absolutely nothing in common with anymore. Here, you simply sit there, surrounded by a thick silence because you know you have absolutely nothing more to say to each other.
There’s a particular kind of loneliness that occurs when you find yourself around the wrong kind of people; it is lonelier even than solitude. The reason why so many do not want to leave such empty relationships is due to the fear of a “void,” but the void is almost always better than the illusion of an “us.”
The Relentless Conflict-Seeker
There are some individuals who only feel truly alive when there is some sort of firefighting to do or when there is some sort of disagreement. It is all too easy for these individuals to make everything a debate and to turn even the smallest problem into something more serious.
When you are thirty, you have enough energy to deal with these kinds of situations. When you are seventy, you simply tune them out. Most things that cause arguments are really not worth getting worked up about at the end of the day. When you find yourself being dragged into some conflict, whether it’s personal or at the dinner table on Sundays, these people are actively taking away your peace.
Why Selectivity is the Greatest Gift of Ageing
There is even a psychological theory for this, called Socioemotional Selectivity Theory. Essentially, as young people, we seek “information” and “possibilities,” and we talk to everybody. However, as we age and recognize that our days are numbered, we prioritize “emotional meaning.”
