From that moment, it seemed like the spotlight in our family permanently shifted. I went from being the center of attention to the reliable older child who was expected to set an example.
The pattern of favoritism started subtly. For my 8th birthday, I received a set of educational books. Two months later, Cassandra turned four and was gifted a lavish princess party complete with a pony in our backyard.
I told myself it was because she was younger and needed more attention. But as the years passed, the disparity only grew more obvious.
Our family vacations became centered around Cassandra’s interests. If she wanted to go to Disney World, we went to Disney World. When I expressed interest in attending a science camp instead of our annual beach trip when I was 12, my mother patted my head and said, “Maybe next year, Harper.”
Next year never came.
School achievements were another area where the double standard was painfully clear. I worked tirelessly to maintain straight A’s, joining every academic club and competition I could.
My report cards were met with cursory nods and comments like, “That is what we expect from you, Harper.” Meanwhile, Cassandra would bring home B’s and C’s and receive effusive praise for trying her best or showing improvement.
By the time I reached high school, I had internalized that I needed to work twice as hard for half the recognition.
I joined the debate team, became editor of the school newspaper, and took every advanced placement class available. I studied until midnight most nights, fueled by the desperate hope that eventually my parents would look at me with the same pride they showed Cassandra when she got a minor role in the school play.
My sister and I had a complicated relationship. I never blamed her directly for our parents’ favoritism. How could I? She was just as much a product of their parenting as I was.
But there was an undeniable distance between us. Cassandra grew accustomed to getting whatever she wanted. She never had to work for anything or face consequences for her actions.
When she crashed her first car at 16, a brand new Audi, my father simply bought her another one the next day. When I had asked for help buying a used Honda for college, he told me to save up from my part-time job.
